A new 'real' chapter

I walked into the club with a heart that had no intentions of anything. I walked into the club with no make up for the first time. After a great catch up session with my closest friends in a cold beautiful night. Walking to my car deciding whether should i go to this 21st birthday party. And just like that. A new chapter of my life started.

Then there he was, sitting at the very corner of my eye. The corner of all corners. "God this guy must be annoying" was all i had in mind about this guy who i felt like slapping and didnt care who he was. HE was the first in my mind that was the last person i want to be with. HE was the first that i wanted to get rid of. But yet, HE's the first I felt something real with.

Escaped Death

I just escaped from getting bad injuries or it could even be death. I had my first sort of bad accident today at Jln Duta. I was driving fast in the heavy rain because i didnt want to get nagging from mom or dad. YES i am up to that level where i choose not-to-get-naggings-from-mom than LIFE. Its that bad because i grew up like that. I grew up scared that i didnt want to choose life instead.

At a moment i felt that the car was light. And the next thing i knew my staring wheel was moving by itself. My car was out of control. The first thing on my mind was "ok sheen, please control this well. DONT LET GO." The second thing i thought was "its ok, i got Surat Yassin in the car" in that 2 seconds. After that I hit the divider and still trying to control my car and i remembered i was looking at my breaks thinking, "why is my car still out of control? Im hitting the breaks goddammit!" but it spun the other way round. And all i could remember was everything went slow motion in my eyes. The view of everything was in slow motion. I was facing the other way around and the car that was driving the same direction as me hit her breaks as her car and mine were kissing. I spun again to the side. As that was happening. "Shit how am i suppose to tell my dad?" was on my mind.

When the car stopped. I quickly think of the first person i should call while i was looking at the traffic on the opposite road. I thought. I cant call my dad. First. He and mom will be furious. Second. The traffic was bad and it'll take them hours! And i thought all of that in less than one minute. So abang yaz was my first choice.

After settling everything, i got in the van with kak erni and on the way back to d'sara, she told me that her driver told her "sheen memang nyawa panjang, dia spin 3 kali!"

After i heard that. I started shaking.

In this whole less than 1 min accident experienced, my mind could think so many thoughts. Thoughts of PLANNING things out. What to do, plan of what to say and i even got ready to loose my legs. I am THAT scared of my parents nagging at me that i would drive so fast in the heavy rain and not bothered of my own life.

Now i am scared to face tomrw/later. I gotta go through that woman. Bring her to my workshop. Sigh. oh yeah and face my parents.

If only i could tell them that i was driving fast because i am sick and tired of them nagging. I knew that this is gonna happen one day. That i will get into an accident because of mom or dad nagging at me asking me to come back home NOW. But i guess, again, they will never know. Because I, once again, am too scared to face them. And none of my friends ever understood me in this.

Whatever it is. I am blessed to be alive and i am lucky that my car didnt flip. sighh. Im not gonna drive in a few weeks. Sigh.

what a nightlife ei

I guess im gonna start writing more here cuz im so effin lifeless. So to pass my time. I should write more.

My dad came in my room today. Asked "Are u ok? You look restless". I answered "I'm BORED! Im trying to find something to do." He replied "Go watch TV or sleep"

"Sleep?!?"

"Then? you wanna go out ke?"

And then I thought, that's the first time in almost 21 years my dad has ever asked me that question at 10.35pm. At a quick 2 seconds, I was thinking should i answer yes becuz there are frens that have invited me.

"No lah" was my answer because i was too scared.

I guess staying at home almost every night and not do anything is a real bore and pain at times because you know that most of your friends are out celebrating or clubbing or having fun. And you are just at home because your parents are from the stone age who cant seemed to get over the fact that its ok to let go of your child at night. WAKE UP PPL! Its the 21st century already. No teen or youngsters are being kept at home at night. You wanna know what bore is. Try that at home. THAT IS THE REAL BORING LIFE. Nothing can get more boring than that. I promise you.